i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
