The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
