That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
