If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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