Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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