new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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