oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
the raccoons are back...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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