I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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