Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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