Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
