dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
