I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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