it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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