He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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