You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
