South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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