im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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