You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Randomize
