update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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