im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize