No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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