do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
