Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
