there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
