Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
