I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
