Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Watching her eat just hurts me
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
