swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
