I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
