I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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