I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
