I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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