she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
