Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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