Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
