she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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