You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
