I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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