I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
