saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize