those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
