yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize