Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
