i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
