You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
