Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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