is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
