is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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