I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
