it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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