i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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