For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
