i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
