it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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