You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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