her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you had me at cake vodka
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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