i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
worst night to have a conscience
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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