Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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