man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
