watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize