I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
