Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
