I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
