Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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