Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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