Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
