you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
