I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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