We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
