i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
